Ever have an “earthquake” week that shakes your life to its very foundation?
That was this week for me. I had my first week teaching a new grade in a new way (all virtual). I have worked nonstop preparing and troubleshooting.
Joe got a job offer in Long Island and was feeling the pressure from above to accept. Since I could not and would not leave my students at this point in the year, I held my breath for two emotional days as I waited for him to weigh the pros and cons of moving away without us. Mind you, we JUST moved in together this summer. I tried not to let my mind spiral or brace for heartbreak about losing him and finding a new place to live with the pup. (Long story short, he declined the job and priorities have shifted in a good way).
To top it off, I had a procedure and have been waiting on the results of a biopsy with a hopeful heart and fingers crossed. I’ve tried to take deep breaths and reassure myself that even if I do have cancer-which chances are, I don’t-we caught it early.
My dog started behavior modification (aka doggy boot camp), which has been an adjustment. She is sweet but SO stubborn. I’ve felt like a “mean mom” during her training. I’ve also HATED leaving her every day for the first time since we adopted her and have been feeling so much guilt.
I spent several commutes home this week silently crying and feeling like a train wreck. I may have looked okay, I may have put on my positive pants, I may have handled it all, but I was NOT OKAY this week. Despite all of this, I have not given myself much grace. I’ve beaten myself up about not working out much, about eating nothing but Chinese food twice in the same day, and for wanting to Netflix/nap on the couch instead of being productive. At several points this week, I convinced myself I wasn’t a good enough teacher, or girlfriend, or dog mom, or friend. That ends right now. For the rest of this day, I am taking much needed time to snuggle my dog on the couch, put away my work computer, watch Netflix with abandon, snack as I please, and count every single one of my blessings. Please consider this your reminder to be extra kind to yourself, especially on your earthquake days/weeks.